listening...

boy oh boy did yesterday's quilt scare the bajeezus out of me. looking at it i could see that i had stopped listening and was only projecting what i thought i wanted. disaster. for which i am thankful.

it got my attention...

when i started the daily practice of making a small art quilt, my intention was to turn off all my conscious input and just listen. i wanted to listen closely and allow whatever wanted to happen to happen. however it came out would be okay. i would get out of the way and trust the process. but yesterday was different. the three quilts that made up the now defunct "alphabet series" were different.

the difference was simply that i had thought about the series for a while. i wanted them to relate, to be able to be turned into a book. aaah! there you have it; my ego stepped in. i wasn't anywhere near being in the moment as i made the quilts; i was off on a book tour somewhere. i could see it! but seeing isn't listening...and listening is the key part of my daily practice...

its clear to me now that there is a difference between my daily practice and my other work. the daily practice is all about being in the moment and relinquishing judgement. my other work is not as immediate. there is the wrestling with an idea that can go on for days or months. there are a number of attempts to resolve the problem or question i've posed. there are revisions, and more revisions. there are decisions about size and scale and color and medium; a whole host of issues that aren't addressed in the daily quilts. at least not consciously. the daily practice has allowed me to be so much more relaxed and open when i approach my other work, though, and the work is much better as a result. there is more joy; much less angst.

i know i have an alphabet series brewing in me. but i know now that it's not meant to come about through the process of my daily quilts. it will require more thoughtful decision making. more tweaking. more allowing my designer's eye to edit and finesse. and none of that is part of the daily practice.

the quilts provide me with a feeling of pure joy. they let me know that i will never be berift of inspiration. there is a well - a deep, deep well inside me. and a surge of energy that comes through me from somewhere beyond. i feel it. i know it. i trust it. before i started the daily practice i wasn't at all sure about that.

and all i have to do is: listen, allow, trust, honor and let go.

so today i returned to listening. and here's what came of it:

12.31.2012

be still and listen
the ancient ones are singing
what was is no more

i'm so glad that i realized all this as the year comes to a close. it is no small gift these quilts have given me.

: : karen anne